In the process of applying I got my credit score through Equifax. I was up to 669! It would have come in higher but my utilization of my one $700 credit limit card was at 65%. I paid it off and received updated scores from Credit Karma & Quizzle of 678 and 701, respectively. still not great compared to what my scores were before bankruptcy, but not bad considering the the discharge & foreclosure was 23 months ago.

For now, I’ll keep plugging along and wait patiently for the results of my brother’s meeting with their attorney next week. Fingers crossed!

Just a mini-update. It’s been over a year since the divorce was finalized. My ex continues to prove that she is not able to live in the adult world. I will add a post on this in a few days. My credit score seems to have leveled out at 650-ish from the 3 different credit bureaus.  On a positive note, I may be buying a house this summer.  I talked to a mortgage broker yesterday, and he didn’t laugh his ass off at me.  I may be pre-approved for $500 at 12% interest, but at least it’s a start.

That’s it for today.  This summer is shaping up to be an interesting one – so many opportunities have presented themselves that I am actually stumped on where to begin.  Stay tuned for details…

Leading up to this day was filled with some lows and some highs. I had originally given my soon to be ex-wife a settlement offer back in November. She argued every financial part of it. However, cheating precluded her from seeking alimony & the child support amount was calculated via a spreadsheet. She basically had nothing to negotiate regarding that. But that did not stop her from trying. At the end of the day, she was eligible for $1,780 per month in child support.

After months of telling her we were done she kept coming back to the fact she could not exist on what I was offering. I was insistent that working for the major retail chain was not going to cut it. She makes $8.95/hour and averages 25 hours a week.

Now, a month & half out from the divorce, we’re still trying to get the administrative bullshit completed.  She finally is on her own cell phone plan & the QDRO for one of my 401k accounts is in process (that’ll be a post on its own).  The big sticking point is her car.  I signed the title over to her on April 30th, but she has yet to go to the county tax office to complete the transfer.  At this point, she is 30 days past the sale date, and will likely incur penalties and/or additional fees.  As my new motto goes, it’s not my problem anymore.

The bad news is that she has yet to get auto insurance set up, so I’m in a bit of quandary of what to do.  I can cut her off & say it’s not my problem anymore.  The reality of this is, while satisfying being a dick, she still has to truck the kids around too.  What is a schmuck to do?

But the bottom line is the divorce is final.  Hallelujah.

So last night, I took control of the situation.  I told her that child support was a calculated number as determined by the state, and it was what it was.  Effective 3/1, she is getting $1,780/month.  However, she still owes me $600 from her bad recordkeeping incident over the past month and a half.  Not sure I’ll ever see that again, but it is a small price to pay for my sanity….

So with all those past due bills & debt, I found out she went a trivia night the previous Tuesday.  Her dinner out cost $20.  I’m not sure she had that much at the time.  I was a put out about that.  After she paid all the bills she could with Friday’s payment, she told me had $100 leftover until next payday/child support payment.  So what does she do yesterday?  She gets her hair done.  A friend does her hair, and she doesn’t charge the full amount, but it’s still about $70.  And if that wasn’t bad enough, her and one of her BFFs went out last night so she could show off her new hair do.  Really?  Seriously?

So one would think, could it get worse?  Unfortunately, yes.  Turns out the part-time retail job she has had cut back her hours since the holidays.  She is lucky to be scheduled 27 hours a week, mostly in the evenings.  One would also think that with free time during the day, she could search for a job, whether it is something more stable or another part-time job to supplement her income.  One would be wrong.  Her day is filled with “decompressing” from the hectic work schedule.  Fortunately, the tanning salon she still pays for & goes to also has hydration beds to help her relax.  Not sure how much it actually costs her, but the salon membership is at least $200/year, and the hydration bed is around $10/session.  I figure that her relaxation expenses run between $70-$100/month.

So one would think, it can’t get any worse than that right?  Well, unfortunately it does.  Next week, she is scheduled to work only 6 hours.  6 hours at $8.25/hour.  Her response?  ”It’ll work out.”   Except that the one who normally makes it work out (me), is done being a schmuck.  I will help the kids where it is needed, but no more enabling a selfish, self-centered person.  Sigh.

On a side note, her child support is due Friday.  She had to borrow over $900 to make it through the past few weeks.  She can only replay $100 this time.  Plus the $300 she paid back last time, she still owes me $600.  I’m thinking it’s doubtful I’ll ever see that last amount…  On the plus side, I told her no to borrowing more money.  Baby steps…

As I said earlier, bankruptcy was one of the most embarrassing & humiliating experiences I have ever endured.  A close second was watching the whole foreclosure process unwind.  Both of these events have made me very aware of every dime I have and spend.  While I may not be fully on a budget yet, I am tracking my expenses like I should have been doing the entire time.  I will admit that an oversight in record keeping caused me to have a -$6 balance in my checking account, which incurred at $25 overdraft fee.  Or, as Dave Ramsey calls it, a stupid tax.

My STBX, however, has not learned anything.  At all.  I tell you this for two reasons – 1) Let her decisions serve as a lesson, and 2) While sad, I can’t help but laugh a little.  I know that sounds mean, but throughout our marriage, I balanced the checkbook & would let her know where we stood.  I would inform her that we would have $800 until the next payday.  She would go to the ATM to look at the balance & see that we had $2,000.  Her response – “why do you lie about how much we have?”  I would then try to explain to her the basics of cash flow.  Out of the $2,000, $1,200 allocated for mortgage, car payments, utilities, etc.  No how much I tried to explain that in a week, bills would be paid, and the checking account would be at $800, she did not believe me.

So flash forward to last spring.  At the beginning of our separation & prior to filing for bankruptcy, I opened my own checking account.  Why?  We were separated.  She was spending money that we didn’t have.  And I was having a hard time paying the utilities.  So to ensure that we were able to keep the lights on, the house heated and/or cooled, have food, have gas & running cars, I decided to pay the STBX a monthly amount of half of what was left over after all household bills had been paid plus 1/2 of the budgeted food bill.  This figure worked out to be $2,200/month.  I can hear you say, “That’s a lot of scratch!”  Yes, yes it was.  From March 2009 through August 2009, I paid her that much a month.  I offered to send a portion to her mother so that it could be put into savings as $2,200 month should cover groceries & her car upkeep (gas, oil changes, etc.) with plenty to bank for her post-divorce life.  She told me she would save the money herself.  Did I mention I was a schmuck?

From that point until August, I figure I gave her around $20,000.  In cash.  One would think that would be enough money to save for a new life & any incidentals.  Right?  Boy I was wrong.  The day I told her I was moving out to my own place, she asked if she could borrow $800.  It seems her transmission died, and she only had $90 in her checking account.  I found out later that she had to borrow $2,000 from her mother.  All that money pissed away.  On what?  No clue.  Clothes?  Tanning bed?  Lunches? Dinners?  Drinks?  My guess?  All of the above, and then some.  I don’t I will ever know what all has bought.  I should have a clue – over the summer, her bank had sent numerous overdraft notices.  Since she wanted independence over her finances, I guess I just didn’t care to know the true details.

So flash forward to 2 days before Christmas.  I get a phone call from the STBX.  Crying.  Seems she had overdrawn her account.  It was sitting at -$304 for 7 overdrawn items.  Her paycheck was only $311.  And her rent was due on the 26th in the amount of $800.  And she wasn’t getting paid again until 12/31 from both work & child support.  So, she asked to borrow $800.  Like a good schmuck, I agreed.  I asked her if she wanted the check to be made out to her or her landlord.  See, I knew that her account had stopped processing payments until money was deposited, then held items would be sent through.  I explained this to her, knowing that she would have to keep making her own financial choices.  Well, she did the obvious – she took a check from me to deposit.  The money went into the account, and there was a great sucking sound.  Seems that the account was actually overdrawn by $700.

In order to not be late on her rent, she decided to talk to her landlord on Christmas Eve to see if the rent could be due on the 1st of the month so it would coincide with the child support check.  Luckily he agreed.  And she had $100 to make it to pay day.

The End.

Hahahahahahahaha – Fooled you!  Of course that’s not the end.  So her account was sitting at $100, her bills needed to be paid, her rent was coming up, and she was running low on gas & food.  And was still a week away from payday.  She did the only logical, rational thing she could do.   The day after Christmas, she went out to a nice restaurant for dinner, dancing, and drinks.  The following Monday, she logged onto her checking account, and guess what?  Her account was overdrawn by $100.  No, really, it was.  I received yet another phone call from her, in tears.  This time I wrote a check directly to her landlord for $800, and payday came & she had money again.

The End

Hahahahahahahaha – Fooled you again!  Turns out she went negative again.  While I’m not sure this is related, she did go out to dinners a couple nights, bought an iTunes card because she needed music, went to the tanning bed, and God knows what else.  Over the next couple of weeks, I took her to Wal-Mart to buy groceries for the week & paid for numerous kid expenses.  The kid expenses – not so concerned about.  It’s things the kids needed and should have come from the child support money, but it didn’t.  I really don’t expect to get the money back for these items – but I’m happy field trips & sports are paid for this spring.

So where do I stand today?  Well, payday is this Friday.  Things seem to have calmed down, though I think there may be a recent overdraft issue in the past few days.  I got a phone call yesterday from her asking if she could borrow $50.  As she had borrowed over $900 during the past few weeks, I decided to draw the line.  Yes sports fans, this schmuck is putting his foot down.  I made a promise to myself that I would no longer pay money early/load/whatever you want to call it never again.  You see, I’m in recovery.

The End.  Really.

So what’s up with the divorce?  Not much, unfortunately.  My court date was supposed to be November 5th.  There were a couple of things that had to happen.  First, my soon to be ex-wife (STBX) & I had to attend a state-mandated parenting class.  Overall it wasn’t bad.  While most of the information was stuff I had read (don’t bash the ex in front of the kids, reassure the kids you love them & it’s not their fault, don’t be an ass, etc.), there were some good info.  It cost $50 to attend, and it was actually worth it, in my opinion.  Go figure, I support something the guvmint mandated.  Second, we had to agree on the settlement terms.  That didn’t go well.   “What happened?” you ask?  Well, I’ll tell you…

The state has a worksheet that determines the amount of child support owed to the primary custodial parent.  It’s a cut & dried process, and fairer than the old days when it seemed the amount was whatever the judge felt like.  The bottom line is that if I plug in my salary & my STBX’s salary, I arrive at a number around $1,700/month.  My STBX’s calculation results in $2,100/month.  So why the $400 discrepancy you ask?  Well, I’ll tell you…

It seems that my STBX assumed that I would receive a bonus this year in the amount of $18,000, and that she only earns $75/month.  The only issues with this is that my company has never paid me an $18,000 bonus (actually much less than this), and she earns probably $1,000/month.  hence, my calculation is a bit lower.    This difference has been the a big pain in the ass.  My STBX has stated that she needs $2,100/month from me so that she can live.  The problem is she won’t work for at a job she she should be qualified for.  She earns $8.25/hour and claims that’s the only job she can get.  Therefore, I should step up & make up the difference in her budget.  So, instead of going to court with a settlement in hand, we had to cancel our court date.

Her attorney has informed my attorney that she will not settle for an amount less than $2,100/month.  After a few back & forths, my STBX’s attorney stated that alimony is the only solution.  In my state, if a spouse cheats, then he/she is barred from asking for alimony.  I filed for divorce on the grounds of numerous counts of adultery on her part.  Where this goes from here, I have no clue.  I am unwilling to pay alimony & to continue enabling my wife.  One of our big issues all through out our marriage was money management.  After filing for bankruptcy, I am finally back on a budget.  My STBX, not so much.  Each month, there appears to be some crisis in her life, and she has to ask for an advance on the money I have been giving her.  Just today, she asked for $250 for stuff until the next payment.  While I don’t mind helping, I did find out that she was planning a girl’s night out this weekend.  So no cash for the everyday expenses, but she does have money to go out and drink.  Needless to say, I am pissed.  But what is a schmuck to do?

So in addition to the divorce decree being deferred indefinitely, our house was foreclosed on at the beginning of November.  i knew this was coming, and I thought I was prepared for it.  I was completely wrong  It was an extremely painful, gut wrenching experience.  I had moved out of the house back in August & I had removed my belongings.  In the week leading up to the foreclosure, I made trips back to the house to get anything that had been left behind.  Each time I walked into the house, I cried.  Not just for the loss of the house, but the things that had been left behind that belonged to the kids.  My STBX works 2nd shift in retail.  She is home during the day.  I’m not sure what thought process she went through, but so much was left that was/is important to our kids.  The kids mementos, toys, and treasured possessions were still there.  I found my son’s laptop, my daughter’s Flip camera, gifts from family, etc.  It was bad.  For a week, I went by after work & packed their stuff that was left behind.

Long story short, the bank foreclosed & changed the locks on the house.  Financially, I have nothing except for the items I moved from the house, my clothes, and my car.  I am truly rebuilding from the ground up.

While this all sucks, it hasn’t been all bad.  My STBX works until 11 p.m. most nights.  While she is working, I watch the kids (another story for another post).  We’re having a blast – I may have missed out moments with them over the past years (another story for another post), we’re now having fun.

The other news I have gotten is that I now have a credit card just 3 months after bankruptcy was discharged.  I received an offer from a bank that I was pre-approved for a $700 credit limit on an unsecured card.  My credit union had denied my a secured credit card about a month ago even though my credit report showed I should have been approved.  Getting this card is another step in rebuilding my credit history.  The downside is that the company is a parasite.  While I have a limit of $700, the initial fees are $175, which reduces my credit limit by that amount.  After this, there’s a $175/year fee, and they will nickle and time everything – credit increases will require $50-100 charges, internet access to the account will cost $4, breathing costs $1 per breath, etc.  But that’s what I have to do to start over.

Well, that’s it for now.  I am working on being more diligent about stuff that I need  do.  I hope to start updating more frequently.  I figure next week I’ll get all 3 credit scores directly from the reporting agencies.  While I can get estimated scores from sites, there appear to be discrepancies.

TTFN,

Recovering Schmuck