Seriously? Really? You’ve got to be kidding me.

So Thursday night, I give my STBX (soon-to-be ex) half of the month’s child support (paid 2x month).  She proceeds to tell me that she is 2 months late on her life insurance, water, chiropractor, etc., and she still had to pay the natural gas & phone company from the foreclosed house each $100.  She paid the bills prior to actually getting the child support.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, she had borrowed just over $900 to make it through January.  I deducted $100 from her child support, leaving a balance of $600 owed to me.

So with all those past due bills & debt, I found out she went a trivia night the previous Tuesday.  Her dinner out cost $20.  I’m not sure she had that much at the time.  I was a put out about that.  After she paid all the bills she could with Friday’s payment, she told me had $100 leftover until next payday/child support payment.  So what does she do yesterday?  She gets her hair done.  A friend does her hair, and she doesn’t charge the full amount, but it’s still about $70.  And if that wasn’t bad enough, her and one of her BFFs went out last night so she could show off her new hair do.  Really?  Seriously?

So one would think, could it get worse?  Unfortunately, yes.  Turns out the part-time retail job she has had cut back her hours since the holidays.  She is lucky to be scheduled 27 hours a week, mostly in the evenings.  One would also think that with free time during the day, she could search for a job, whether it is something more stable or another part-time job to supplement her income.  One would be wrong.  Her day is filled with “decompressing” from the hectic work schedule.  Fortunately, the tanning salon she still pays for & goes to also has hydration beds to help her relax.  Not sure how much it actually costs her, but the salon membership is at least $200/year, and the hydration bed is around $10/session.  I figure that her relaxation expenses run between $70-$100/month.

So one would think, it can’t get any worse than that right?  Well, unfortunately it does.  Next week, she is scheduled to work only 6 hours.  6 hours at $8.25/hour.  Her response?  “It’ll work out.”   Except that the one who normally makes it work out (me), is done being a schmuck.  I will help the kids where it is needed, but no more enabling a selfish, self-centered person.  Sigh.

Met with my attorney today

Just a quick update.  Met with my attorney to revise the settlement agreement.  We have reviewed the soon to be ex’s (STBX) version, and made changes.  The highlights were I’m offering $1,780/month, not naming her as beneficiary on my life insurance, and striking the clause that states I’m on the hook to pay college costs.  I will make sure the kids get to college, but I can’t let her dictate how that’s going to be done.

On a side note, her child support is due Friday.  She had to borrow over $900 to make it through the past few weeks.  She can only replay $100 this time.  Plus the $300 she paid back last time, she still owes me $600.  I’m thinking it’s doubtful I’ll ever see that last amount…  On the plus side, I told her no to borrowing more money.  Baby steps…

Some lessons are never learned…

I have to admit that a lot of the financial problems me & my soon to be ex (STBX) were not all her fault.  For many years, we enjoyed the good life, and I generally got raises/bonuses that helped to “justify” our spending patterns.  Near the end however, the handwriting was on the wall.  My requests to get back on a budget & cut our spending were ignored.  What I didn’t know at the time, my STBX was plotting her grand escape from the marriage.  Since we had a ton of debt, I am assuming her thought process was to file bankruptcy so that we would have a “clean” break.

As I said earlier, bankruptcy was one of the most embarrassing & humiliating experiences I have ever endured.  A close second was watching the whole foreclosure process unwind.  Both of these events have made me very aware of every dime I have and spend.  While I may not be fully on a budget yet, I am tracking my expenses like I should have been doing the entire time.  I will admit that an oversight in record keeping caused me to have a -$6 balance in my checking account, which incurred at $25 overdraft fee.  Or, as Dave Ramsey calls it, a stupid tax.

My STBX, however, has not learned anything.  At all.  I tell you this for two reasons – 1) Let her decisions serve as a lesson, and 2) While sad, I can’t help but laugh a little.  I know that sounds mean, but throughout our marriage, I balanced the checkbook & would let her know where we stood.  I would inform her that we would have $800 until the next payday.  She would go to the ATM to look at the balance & see that we had $2,000.  Her response – “why do you lie about how much we have?”  I would then try to explain to her the basics of cash flow.  Out of the $2,000, $1,200 allocated for mortgage, car payments, utilities, etc.  No how much I tried to explain that in a week, bills would be paid, and the checking account would be at $800, she did not believe me.

So flash forward to last spring.  At the beginning of our separation & prior to filing for bankruptcy, I opened my own checking account.  Why?  We were separated.  She was spending money that we didn’t have.  And I was having a hard time paying the utilities.  So to ensure that we were able to keep the lights on, the house heated and/or cooled, have food, have gas & running cars, I decided to pay the STBX a monthly amount of half of what was left over after all household bills had been paid plus 1/2 of the budgeted food bill.  This figure worked out to be $2,200/month.  I can hear you say, “That’s a lot of scratch!”  Yes, yes it was.  From March 2009 through August 2009, I paid her that much a month.  I offered to send a portion to her mother so that it could be put into savings as $2,200 month should cover groceries & her car upkeep (gas, oil changes, etc.) with plenty to bank for her post-divorce life.  She told me she would save the money herself.  Did I mention I was a schmuck?

From that point until August, I figure I gave her around $20,000.  In cash.  One would think that would be enough money to save for a new life & any incidentals.  Right?  Boy I was wrong.  The day I told her I was moving out to my own place, she asked if she could borrow $800.  It seems her transmission died, and she only had $90 in her checking account.  I found out later that she had to borrow $2,000 from her mother.  All that money pissed away.  On what?  No clue.  Clothes?  Tanning bed?  Lunches? Dinners?  Drinks?  My guess?  All of the above, and then some.  I don’t I will ever know what all has bought.  I should have a clue – over the summer, her bank had sent numerous overdraft notices.  Since she wanted independence over her finances, I guess I just didn’t care to know the true details.

So flash forward to 2 days before Christmas.  I get a phone call from the STBX.  Crying.  Seems she had overdrawn her account.  It was sitting at -$304 for 7 overdrawn items.  Her paycheck was only $311.  And her rent was due on the 26th in the amount of $800.  And she wasn’t getting paid again until 12/31 from both work & child support.  So, she asked to borrow $800.  Like a good schmuck, I agreed.  I asked her if she wanted the check to be made out to her or her landlord.  See, I knew that her account had stopped processing payments until money was deposited, then held items would be sent through.  I explained this to her, knowing that she would have to keep making her own financial choices.  Well, she did the obvious – she took a check from me to deposit.  The money went into the account, and there was a great sucking sound.  Seems that the account was actually overdrawn by $700.

In order to not be late on her rent, she decided to talk to her landlord on Christmas Eve to see if the rent could be due on the 1st of the month so it would coincide with the child support check.  Luckily he agreed.  And she had $100 to make it to pay day.

The End.

Hahahahahahahaha – Fooled you!  Of course that’s not the end.  So her account was sitting at $100, her bills needed to be paid, her rent was coming up, and she was running low on gas & food.  And was still a week away from payday.  She did the only logical, rational thing she could do.   The day after Christmas, she went out to a nice restaurant for dinner, dancing, and drinks.  The following Monday, she logged onto her checking account, and guess what?  Her account was overdrawn by $100.  No, really, it was.  I received yet another phone call from her, in tears.  This time I wrote a check directly to her landlord for $800, and payday came & she had money again.

The End

Hahahahahahahaha – Fooled you again!  Turns out she went negative again.  While I’m not sure this is related, she did go out to dinners a couple nights, bought an iTunes card because she needed music, went to the tanning bed, and God knows what else.  Over the next couple of weeks, I took her to Wal-Mart to buy groceries for the week & paid for numerous kid expenses.  The kid expenses – not so concerned about.  It’s things the kids needed and should have come from the child support money, but it didn’t.  I really don’t expect to get the money back for these items – but I’m happy field trips & sports are paid for this spring.

So where do I stand today?  Well, payday is this Friday.  Things seem to have calmed down, though I think there may be a recent overdraft issue in the past few days.  I got a phone call yesterday from her asking if she could borrow $50.  As she had borrowed over $900 during the past few weeks, I decided to draw the line.  Yes sports fans, this schmuck is putting his foot down.  I made a promise to myself that I would no longer pay money early/load/whatever you want to call it never again.  You see, I’m in recovery.

The End.  Really.

New year, new check on credit scores

Just bought my Equifax & TransUnion credit scores.  Though they are both in the crapper, it’s better than expected.  Equifax was 633, and TransUnion is 671.  I admit, I was secretly hoping that having an unsecured credit card would have a little more impact, but it’s only been a month.  Can’t blame a schmuck for hoping, right?  The good news is that the details of the credit report show that my $700 limit has been used (not maxed out) – this will only help in the long run.  The moral of this story is slow and steady will win the race.  Or increase the credit score.  Question is will my divorce be finalized before I crack 700?