I suck at blogging…

I’m lazy about certain things. I don’t like going through the mail. Everything arrives via email or online banking. The only mailbox contains ads, more ads, and ads. So I miss an occasional graduation notice. No big deal right? Blogging appears to be another task that I am able to duck easily. But I promise to get better at this, unless that mail pile is about to fall over.

Just a mini-update. It’s been over a year since the divorce was finalized. My ex continues to prove that she is not able to live in the adult world. I will add a post on this in a few days. My credit score seems to have leveled out at 650-ish from the 3 different credit bureaus.  On a positive note, I may be buying a house this summer.  I talked to a mortgage broker yesterday, and he didn’t laugh his ass off at me.  I may be pre-approved for $500 at 12% interest, but at least it’s a start.

That’s it for today.  This summer is shaping up to be an interesting one – so many opportunities have presented themselves that I am actually stumped on where to begin.  Stay tuned for details…

Divorce is finally final!!! Now on to administrative bullshit

So April 15, 2010, may suck for many people but it will be my own personal independence day. Well, it still suck for me as well but at least this is the date my divorce was finally final.

Leading up to this day was filled with some lows and some highs. I had originally given my soon to be ex-wife a settlement offer back in November. She argued every financial part of it. However, cheating precluded her from seeking alimony & the child support amount was calculated via a spreadsheet. She basically had nothing to negotiate regarding that. But that did not stop her from trying. At the end of the day, she was eligible for $1,780 per month in child support.

After months of telling her we were done she kept coming back to the fact she could not exist on what I was offering. I was insistent that working for the major retail chain was not going to cut it. She makes $8.95/hour and averages 25 hours a week.

Now, a month & half out from the divorce, we’re still trying to get the administrative bullshit completed.  She finally is on her own cell phone plan & the QDRO for one of my 401k accounts is in process (that’ll be a post on its own).  The big sticking point is her car.  I signed the title over to her on April 30th, but she has yet to go to the county tax office to complete the transfer.  At this point, she is 30 days past the sale date, and will likely incur penalties and/or additional fees.  As my new motto goes, it’s not my problem anymore.

The bad news is that she has yet to get auto insurance set up, so I’m in a bit of quandary of what to do.  I can cut her off & say it’s not my problem anymore.  The reality of this is, while satisfying being a dick, she still has to truck the kids around too.  What is a schmuck to do?

But the bottom line is the divorce is final.  Hallelujah.

So that was not as painful as I thought

It’s been almost a year since my soon-to-be ex (STBX) & I split our finances.  Since then, I’ve been paying $2,100 to 2,200/month in “child support”.   Before I moved out, she was supposed to save the money (which she didn’t – don’t get me started on that again).  After I moved out, it was child support because she was getting a full-time job (which she didn’t – don’t get me started on that again).  Anyway, due to my schmuckness, I never reduced the monthly amount to her even after I figured out the child support she was owed was $400/month less.

So last night, I took control of the situation.  I told her that child support was a calculated number as determined by the state, and it was what it was.  Effective 3/1, she is getting $1,780/month.  However, she still owes me $600 from her bad recordkeeping incident over the past month and a half.  Not sure I’ll ever see that again, but it is a small price to pay for my sanity….

Seriously? Really? You’ve got to be kidding me.

So Thursday night, I give my STBX (soon-to-be ex) half of the month’s child support (paid 2x month).  She proceeds to tell me that she is 2 months late on her life insurance, water, chiropractor, etc., and she still had to pay the natural gas & phone company from the foreclosed house each $100.  She paid the bills prior to actually getting the child support.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, she had borrowed just over $900 to make it through January.  I deducted $100 from her child support, leaving a balance of $600 owed to me.

So with all those past due bills & debt, I found out she went a trivia night the previous Tuesday.  Her dinner out cost $20.  I’m not sure she had that much at the time.  I was a put out about that.  After she paid all the bills she could with Friday’s payment, she told me had $100 leftover until next payday/child support payment.  So what does she do yesterday?  She gets her hair done.  A friend does her hair, and she doesn’t charge the full amount, but it’s still about $70.  And if that wasn’t bad enough, her and one of her BFFs went out last night so she could show off her new hair do.  Really?  Seriously?

So one would think, could it get worse?  Unfortunately, yes.  Turns out the part-time retail job she has had cut back her hours since the holidays.  She is lucky to be scheduled 27 hours a week, mostly in the evenings.  One would also think that with free time during the day, she could search for a job, whether it is something more stable or another part-time job to supplement her income.  One would be wrong.  Her day is filled with “decompressing” from the hectic work schedule.  Fortunately, the tanning salon she still pays for & goes to also has hydration beds to help her relax.  Not sure how much it actually costs her, but the salon membership is at least $200/year, and the hydration bed is around $10/session.  I figure that her relaxation expenses run between $70-$100/month.

So one would think, it can’t get any worse than that right?  Well, unfortunately it does.  Next week, she is scheduled to work only 6 hours.  6 hours at $8.25/hour.  Her response?  “It’ll work out.”   Except that the one who normally makes it work out (me), is done being a schmuck.  I will help the kids where it is needed, but no more enabling a selfish, self-centered person.  Sigh.

Met with my attorney today

Just a quick update.  Met with my attorney to revise the settlement agreement.  We have reviewed the soon to be ex’s (STBX) version, and made changes.  The highlights were I’m offering $1,780/month, not naming her as beneficiary on my life insurance, and striking the clause that states I’m on the hook to pay college costs.  I will make sure the kids get to college, but I can’t let her dictate how that’s going to be done.

On a side note, her child support is due Friday.  She had to borrow over $900 to make it through the past few weeks.  She can only replay $100 this time.  Plus the $300 she paid back last time, she still owes me $600.  I’m thinking it’s doubtful I’ll ever see that last amount…  On the plus side, I told her no to borrowing more money.  Baby steps…

It’s been 3 months since the last update, so what the hell is going on?

So looking back, it’s been just over 3 months since my last post.  I am a bad blogger it seems.  But I really haven’t had much to say since then.  Well I haven’t had much I could say.  My financial situation has been fairly static since the bankruptcy was discharged.  There hasn’t really been much change in my credit scores.  While they are horrendous, they are still in the 625-674 range depending on the reporting agency.  Most of the activity in my life has been on the divorce front.

So what’s up with the divorce?  Not much, unfortunately.  My court date was supposed to be November 5th.  There were a couple of things that had to happen.  First, my soon to be ex-wife (STBX) & I had to attend a state-mandated parenting class.  Overall it wasn’t bad.  While most of the information was stuff I had read (don’t bash the ex in front of the kids, reassure the kids you love them & it’s not their fault, don’t be an ass, etc.), there were some good info.  It cost $50 to attend, and it was actually worth it, in my opinion.  Go figure, I support something the guvmint mandated.  Second, we had to agree on the settlement terms.  That didn’t go well.   “What happened?” you ask?  Well, I’ll tell you…

The state has a worksheet that determines the amount of child support owed to the primary custodial parent.  It’s a cut & dried process, and fairer than the old days when it seemed the amount was whatever the judge felt like.  The bottom line is that if I plug in my salary & my STBX’s salary, I arrive at a number around $1,700/month.  My STBX’s calculation results in $2,100/month.  So why the $400 discrepancy you ask?  Well, I’ll tell you…

It seems that my STBX assumed that I would receive a bonus this year in the amount of $18,000, and that she only earns $75/month.  The only issues with this is that my company has never paid me an $18,000 bonus (actually much less than this), and she earns probably $1,000/month.  hence, my calculation is a bit lower.    This difference has been the a big pain in the ass.  My STBX has stated that she needs $2,100/month from me so that she can live.  The problem is she won’t work for at a job she she should be qualified for.  She earns $8.25/hour and claims that’s the only job she can get.  Therefore, I should step up & make up the difference in her budget.  So, instead of going to court with a settlement in hand, we had to cancel our court date.

Her attorney has informed my attorney that she will not settle for an amount less than $2,100/month.  After a few back & forths, my STBX’s attorney stated that alimony is the only solution.  In my state, if a spouse cheats, then he/she is barred from asking for alimony.  I filed for divorce on the grounds of numerous counts of adultery on her part.  Where this goes from here, I have no clue.  I am unwilling to pay alimony & to continue enabling my wife.  One of our big issues all through out our marriage was money management.  After filing for bankruptcy, I am finally back on a budget.  My STBX, not so much.  Each month, there appears to be some crisis in her life, and she has to ask for an advance on the money I have been giving her.  Just today, she asked for $250 for stuff until the next payment.  While I don’t mind helping, I did find out that she was planning a girl’s night out this weekend.  So no cash for the everyday expenses, but she does have money to go out and drink.  Needless to say, I am pissed.  But what is a schmuck to do?

So in addition to the divorce decree being deferred indefinitely, our house was foreclosed on at the beginning of November.  i knew this was coming, and I thought I was prepared for it.  I was completely wrong  It was an extremely painful, gut wrenching experience.  I had moved out of the house back in August & I had removed my belongings.  In the week leading up to the foreclosure, I made trips back to the house to get anything that had been left behind.  Each time I walked into the house, I cried.  Not just for the loss of the house, but the things that had been left behind that belonged to the kids.  My STBX works 2nd shift in retail.  She is home during the day.  I’m not sure what thought process she went through, but so much was left that was/is important to our kids.  The kids mementos, toys, and treasured possessions were still there.  I found my son’s laptop, my daughter’s Flip camera, gifts from family, etc.  It was bad.  For a week, I went by after work & packed their stuff that was left behind.

Long story short, the bank foreclosed & changed the locks on the house.  Financially, I have nothing except for the items I moved from the house, my clothes, and my car.  I am truly rebuilding from the ground up.

While this all sucks, it hasn’t been all bad.  My STBX works until 11 p.m. most nights.  While she is working, I watch the kids (another story for another post).  We’re having a blast – I may have missed out moments with them over the past years (another story for another post), we’re now having fun.

The other news I have gotten is that I now have a credit card just 3 months after bankruptcy was discharged.  I received an offer from a bank that I was pre-approved for a $700 credit limit on an unsecured card.  My credit union had denied my a secured credit card about a month ago even though my credit report showed I should have been approved.  Getting this card is another step in rebuilding my credit history.  The downside is that the company is a parasite.  While I have a limit of $700, the initial fees are $175, which reduces my credit limit by that amount.  After this, there’s a $175/year fee, and they will nickle and time everything – credit increases will require $50-100 charges, internet access to the account will cost $4, breathing costs $1 per breath, etc.  But that’s what I have to do to start over.

Well, that’s it for now.  I am working on being more diligent about stuff that I need  do.  I hope to start updating more frequently.  I figure next week I’ll get all 3 credit scores directly from the reporting agencies.  While I can get estimated scores from sites, there appear to be discrepancies.

TTFN,

Recovering Schmuck